Stopped at the Border!

So, I am finally back in Glasgow, after the plane had to circle the runway for 30 mins while they cleared away snow, and after a very harrowing experience going through customs.

I got off the plane and got to the Immigration section. Then the guy looked through my passport and caught on to the fact that I had just been to Glasgow in October and stayed for 3 months. Then when he asked me how long I was staying and I told him, until May and that I was staying with 'my boyfriend,'all hell broke loose.

He asked me all about Daniel; how long we had known each other, where and when we met, what he did for a living, etc. It was just like Green Card! How exciting! Then he decided that he needed to ask me more questions, so he sent me to sit down on some seats and let everyone else go through. So I sat and waited for about half an hour, sort of freaking out that they were not going to let me in and I would have to get back on a plane and go home.

Then the guy asked for Daniel's phone number at work, and tried to call him, alas he was not at work yet... lazy bum (just kidding, Daniel- you are my hero). Then, since we had some time free the guy figured he may as well search my bags, just for the fun of it. It was great, all my stuff was spread all over a table and I had to explain some of the more embarassing items in my bags. And yet, I did not have to unwrap any of the gifts that we in my bags- which I thought was odd.

Then we went into The Little Room. I think by this time they realized that I was telling the truth and that Daniel did in fact exist and I wasn't trying to sneak in and wreak havoc. So, they finally got in touch with Daniel and I GUESS or stories checked out,a nd the guy came back to the Little Room and explained why they had detained me: because I was supposed to be on holiday, but nobody goes on holiday for six months. Au contraire, mon ami!

So, I finally got out (as fast as my weary jetlagged legs could carry me) and got inot a cab (with the chattiest drived in the WORLD) and got home and slept for hours. Ah!

And now I am here and watching Scooby Doo, which is set in Italy and has a really intense soundtrack with some song that sounds like

bam bam bam hai capitooooo! when you eata the pasta and meata the pot hai capitoooo!

Fucked up. I won't even go into the plot, but it in volves ghosts. What a surprise.

So Happy New Year!!!! And thanks to Ariana and Elnie for a lovely sojourn in New York, and Elnie, thanks for the Christmas card!!!

Yipes!

Today on Channel Five (again)

The Christmas Takeover (1998)
A neglected son writes to Santa pleading to see more of his tycoon father. Comedy drama, starring Harry Hamlin, Megan Gallagher, Stuart Pankin, Roy Dotrice and Gary Coleman.

I know it goes against logic, but I am so hoping that the tycoon father is played by Gary Coleman... oh wait, or maybe he plays Santa!

As for my assignment to write about American attitudes towards money, I think it may be difficult. I have spent so much of my time here complaining how damned expensive everything is, it would seem a bit false if suddenly I was to say that money was no object. HOWEVER when I get back to New York tomorrow, I will be spending money like it's water (and not that fancy sparkling water). Shit, I'll be buying hardboiled eggs buy the dozen, tossing them up in the air and then rolling around on them. Ouch!

And I think that a good example of America's complete abandon when it comes to money is the fine film mentioned above. Somebody- poor misguided soul- clearly had to spend money on that. Okay, not that MUCH money, I doubt Gary Coleman is able to command a huge salary, but still. Was it necessary? Did it do anything but provide fodder for cheesy blogs? No. But it happened, and it continues to be played on tv channels in Britain, so I SUPPOSE it was an achievement of sorts.

So, you see Americans are some of the biggest money wasters in the world! Merrrrrry Christmas! Ho Ho HO!

Curiouser and Curiouser

Heh! I have a wee assignment from Professor MacKenzie in this post, so bear with me.

Anyway, last night- though it was a Monday- was a steady rockin' hoedown. But before the dulcet tones of The Beat Trap began to ring in our ears, I endured one of the most embarrassing moments of my young life... wait, I'm not so young anymore.

So, there I was... at the 13th Note with a bunch of people, alreday slightly discombobulated from being ignored by the bartender (perhaps due to my shortness of stature). I tried to get some chairs from another table so that Daniel and I could sit down and join our friends. Well, basically a transaction ensued that rivalled a stringent haggling in the casbahs of Morocco: this guy, after saying I could take two chairs, then proceeded to 'joke around' and ask me for 5 p apiece. I said 'ha ha ha! I have no money' as I dragged the chairs away, assuming that would be the end of it. Ohhhhh no. The guy: in his 60s, bleary blue eyes, mussed white hair, a set of quite shocking teeth- a bit unsteady, but not in terrible shape, yet HARDLY callipygian. He came over to the table where we were all sitting peacefully and started to harrass me (in a jocular way)to pay up to 10 p I owed him for 'lease' of the chairs. I protested a bit more, and as I did, I betrayed my American accent and he was onto me.

Once he found out I was American, he insisted that 'The Scots may be tight, but the Americans are even tighter!' Then, in a strange turn of events, he gave me a 2 pound coin, and pressed it into my hand, making me keep it, and kept telling me to put it in my pocket. This whole interaction seemed to last forver, with EVERYONE I have ever met in Glasgow watching my face turn bright red. Then this old dude kissed me on the head and said something about how we had a bond, despite our difference in years.

I swear, I thought it would never end. He kept coming back and hovering over me, slightly in danger of either kissing me again, or falling into my lap.

At last he was on his way, but not without many strange raspberry noises and several handshakes.

Then I was free to enjoy my night, and £2 richer! Score.

Christmas cheer

Two movie descriptions from today's schedule on Channel Five:

I'll Be Home for Christmas (1998) Amusing seasonal comedy starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

The Christmas Wish (1998) A businessman returns to his hometown to spend Christmas with his grandmother- but the pair soon make a shocking discovery. Seasonal drama, starring Debbie Reynolds, Neil Patrick Harris and Naomi Watts

Okay, most importantly: what the hell was up with 1998 that BOTH of these movies somehow made it into production? I mean, true they were obviously Made For TV, but still... JTT, NPH... NAOMI WATTS? What the hell is she doing there? I guess the days before Mulholland Drive were pretty dark ones, eh?

I also like speculating on the "shocking discovery" made by Debbie Reynolds and Neil Patrick Harris- could it be they discovered that they were no longer relevant to the viewing public? Nah, that's no shock to anyone...maybe Debbie and Neil caught Naomi naked with those two creepy old folks in Mulholland Drive. Eew. Or maybe there was a medical emergency and Neil Patrick Harris made the shocking discovery that he was NOT teen whiz medico Doogie Howser, MD. Shit!

Anyway, props to the peeps making the choices over at Channel Five for putting on these two holiday treats BACK TO BACK. What a way to start your week.

He Who Shall Not Be Named

I think it would be really awesome to be Lord Voldemort and get to be referred to as He Who Shall Not Be Named or You Know Who.

I think really the only other people who can get away with that are

1) Prince
2) David Caruso
3) Louie Anderson (formerly) of Family Feud

For different reasons, obviously, but still.

Maybe- just maybe- Chaz Palminteri could make it on that list, but where has he been hiding himself lately? Anyone?

A week

Just a week until I go home for Christmas. Madness. I cannot believe that I have been here for almost 3 months, it has gone very quickly. Hmm, I hope thay don't hassle me at customs when I come back to Glasgow so soon.

So, I have been trying to do some Christmas shopping, and I have managed to score what I think is the best gift in the world for one of my lucky friends. Hmmmmm, who could it be? Well, she shall soons ee. Oh! A Hint! It's a SHE.

Anyway, in the spirit of my list of eating to (to which I have thought of a few more additions, but no matter), I thought I should make a list of things that I would like to bring back with me from The States.

1) coffee
2) some celestial seasonings tea
3) some oil sticks
4) corn tortillas
5) black beans

Hum, that's about it, I think. But more shall be added.

Oh, and btw, per an anonymous request (ahem, NIALL) you can now add comments to my blog again. I had that feature turned off to avoid spiz-am, but no worries. So comment away!

13th Post

Since this is apparently my 13th post- madness- I should talk about something unlucky, and as I consider myself a normally happy-go-lucky person, I will have to find something. Oh, what a coincidence: the world is going to shit! Look at this NYTimes article on global warning and the U.S.'s complete INSANITY in refusing to follow the Kyoto Protocol.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/11/international/americas/11climate.html

I mean, even developing countries seem like they are up for it. And yet, the US- supposedly the 'Look, we have our shit together!'annoyingly up in your business Master Spice of countries- refuses to make any effort to curb greenhouse gases. Mmm, it makes you SO proud to be an American.

Wah, we're screwed.

Food!

So, in preparation for my trip back home, I have made a wee list of all the things I would like to eat while I am there. Most of these are things in New York, and I am only going to be there for a few days, so it may be difficult... I am always ready for a challenge. I think this list is going to be the longest ever!

1) A slice of pizza with fresh mozzarella at Joe's
2) a Murray's everything bagel with scallion cream cheese (this should be easy to achieve)
3) sushi! There are just too many options, so we'll leave it at that.
4) drunk man noodles at Spice by Elnie's house, or Joya spicy noodles
6) a mixed plate and honey cake at Kebab Cafe, or a falafel- can't decide yet
7) Greek salad with large chunk of feta at Opa or Taverna Kyklades
8) The lima beans with onion, olive oil and dill at S'Agapo
9) Christmas dinner with turkey and stuffing (this is guaranteed, so no sweat!)
10) Chai tea at Mocha Joe's in Brattleboro (this is basically guaranteed as well, since there is not much else to do in Brattleboro)
11) Korean chicken soup and dumplings at Shin La
12) Pain au chocolat or a croissant at City Bakery or Ceci Cela
13)Leftover sandwich- this may as well have already been made, it's that simple.


That's all I can come up with right now... but I think it's pretty comprehensive. It sort of sums up all the things I have been missing. And of course, cup after cup of delicious coffee is sort of implied as well.

Mmmm, just thinking about it is making me so hungry. I had better go eat some lunch.

My Music Career

I have decided that if I ever become a rapper, my name will be Milky T. This is because I like milk in my tea.

Speaking of music, which I was sort of, the new Belle and Sebastian album is really good. Daniel downloaded it (shhh!) and I have listened to it a few times today. There is one track that is PURE Steely Dan, it's wild. It's like L.A. has gotten into their veins and they are just...mellllowwwww. But I do really like it a lot. At first, I admit, I was not sure. But we are going to see them in Jan. Hooray! And we will buy the album for real when it comes out, I swear.

So, I see by the NYTimes forecast that it is snowing in New York right now and I am sort of jealous. I miss the first snows of the winter. And then it turns to grey brown sludge, and deep ass puddles masquerade as solid cement. Lovely. But it is really nice those 1st few times. I even used to like walking down (hellish) 5th Ave. after work, among all the crazed shoppers in the snow.

There is no hint of snow here, I even went out in just a sweatshirt and scarf earlier when I went to the grocery store. Sigh.

But my folks have basically guaranteed me that we will have a white Christmas this year. Thank GOD!

Oh! And speaking of God, I was accosted by a young Mormon on my way to the grocery store earlier; a young Mormon from Portland, Oregon no less! Wild. He asked me a series of questions that clearly were leading to the 'well, we would love you to come to church with us, and can we come by your house and talk to you about God? Would you like some literature?' It reminded me of the time at Oberlin, maybe my sophomore or junior year when Elnie and I were walking towards Wilder (ah, mem'ries) and were waylaid by these two guys who just suddenly started talking to us about jesus. Do you remember that, Elnie? It went on forever and I remember we were sitting on one of those sort of cement slabs by the classroom buildings (Peters! King!) and there was a little line of ants marching along and I sort of concentrated on that for most of the conversation.

It is SUCH an awkward position to be in. I mean, I would never go up to a stranger and ask them their personal views on God or try to make them come to my house or some prayer group. He was a very nice guy, and I tried to be nice to him, and I think I was courteous, but pretty clear in my lack of interest.

A very unexpected encounter. Hmm. that was a sentence fragment (see Niall, I am trying to be grammatically correct!). I'll try again: It was a very unexpected encounter!

Mixing

People, do not do what I did the other night: mix 4 different types of alcohol.

What started out as a quiet night in, reading or playing Yahtzee quickly deteriorated into a sloppy drunkfest as I drank one glass of wine, followed by 2 1/2 beers, some whiskey and a glass of champagne... rose champagne. Fuuuck.

No details are really needed, suffice to say that yesterday I was so thankful I do not have a job. What would I have done? I would have done what Daniel did, and called in sick. Actually, he called in and said he had to take care of me, because I was sick... and yes, yes I was.

He did a very good job. I moved my fragile frame into the living room andDaniel ran out for necessities and basically catered to my every whim. We spent the day drinking coffee, water and Coke, watching The Spanish Prisoner and Prime Minister's Questions on tv and eating a massive bar of chocolate.

Luckily, in some freakish occurence of foresight, I had spent the day before making homemade chicken soup and so I was able to huddle over a nice hot bowl of it, letting the chickeny goodness heal my self-inflicted pain.

I could make a 'Chicken Soup for the BLANK Soul' joke here, but it's just a bit too close to home.

Grotto Dogs

The holiday season has brought some unexpected cheer to the Somerfield supermarket by our apartment. Usually confined to the back aisles (by the chocolates), the herd of stuffed Naturalistic Dogs has made its way south to a festive grotto that has been erected by the entrance. The structure is very basic: a sort of three-walled tent with various levels, covered with holiday treats. There are sort of ill looking dolls, candies, cakes, and- oddly enough- a Pet Vac. But in front of all these must-haves, there is a phalanx of about 4 Naturalistic Dogs, nearly life-sized.

The history of the Naturalistic Dog goes back to Oberlin, via the Jersey Shore, I believe. But no matter the origin, ND made his home in Ohio for quite some time. He wound up inside a vodka decanter in the freezer for a while, and then traveled to Cincinnati with me and BJ on a weekend jaunt. He lived in Queens and Brooklyn on and off throughout 2001-2004. He almost made it to Paris last year, but David forgot to post the package, and he was trapped in a closet in Brooklyn. I am afraid to say that I don't know where he is right now. It's a slightly frightening thought. I have a feeling he is in VT- his preferred spot in which to winter, perhaps he is 'en piste' as we speak.

I would like to think that he would be inspired by the size of these British brothers of his (they have GOT to be males). They are almost lions, sort of slumped on their sides, not quite alert; as if they had just eaten a huge meal of antelope, or a bucket of mac and cheese.

So, for all my complaints about food shopping here in Glasgow, it's all worth it to walk into Somerfield on a cold day and be welcomed by winking fairy lights and the freakishly realistic leer of a Naturalistic Dog.

Thanksgiving

Ohmigosh, like, I totally forgot to discuss Thanksgiving!

Daniel, his sister and her family all took pity on me and we went down to stay with them in Durham for the weekend. So, though it was not ACTUAL Thanksgiving day, we went down and Sarah humored me and bought a nice turkey and some potatoes and cranberry sauce, etc.

The day before I made a pumpkin pie; my first ever. I had to make a test pie the week before, just to see if my crust was edible. So I made an apple pie (which I thought should be more difficult than a pumpkin, so if I could nail that, I was fine).

Anyway, we got to Durham at about 11 and by 12: 30 the preparations had begun. I made some stuffing with sausage and sage and onion and bread.

So, long story short, the turkey was okay (slightly dry, but everyone was very nice about it). I am no good at making gravy, so that was kind of lacking, but the stuffing was good as were the mashed potatoes, but how can they NOT be good. The pie was a success in my opinion, and I kind of wish we had not left the rest of it in Durham, but facing the journey back with 1/3 of a pie seemed a bit much to deal with.

So, in terms of Thanksgivings, I think it was quite nice, though I missed my mother's cooking. Seriously though, it's a lot of work doing a whole Thanksgiving dinner and hats off to Drim for pulling it off year after year.

What I really miss are the leftovers.

Hooray

We have the internet at home. At last! It is maybe the most exciting thing that has happened since we moved in. This means I can email and do my research for The Lighthouse, but more importantly, I can finally figure out what else the cast of Bleak House has been in. It is driving me crazy.

Also, I guess this may make Christmas shopping easier, though I am not sure. Daniel and I are having a £5 Christmas this year: spending no more than £5 on presents for anyone. It's a great idea, but a $10 Christmas would be a better value: everything here is so expensive. The Dollar Store equivalent-the Pound Shop- is the classic example: there is all the same stuff that would be in a dollar store, but here it is twice as much! But I have seen some amazing things. I shall say no more, so as not to give away my gift ideas.

But it's not just that, food is more expensive too. The price of coffee is the most shocking to me. I miss my huge cans of Bustelo for $2.99 (on occasional sale for $2.50), here it is about $3.00 for 1/2 the amount. So sad. I have a feeling I am going to be bring back a ton of stuff when I come back after Christmas.

The one thing that is cheaper- oddly enough- is sliced bread. You can get a large loaf of decent bread (oatmeal, multi-grain) here for about 97p. That's pretty good. Bread at home always seemed strangely pricey. There is also a really nice bakery/cafe in our neighborhood where you can get nice loaves of bread and sandwiches and other organic/fair-trade stuff. It's really good and smells so nice when you go inside.

I do take my hat off to the British obsession with sandwiches. I really appreciate it. It seems that almost any store you go into sells sandwiches. Many of them I would not even think about eating, but you can find a pretty good sandwich almost anywhere. There is one chain that is specifically Irish. Very odd, it's like the Boston Pizzeria on Broadway in Astoria. Why? Who knows. What is so good about Irish sandwiches and Bostonian pizza? Who knows: the only pizza I ever had in Boston was hells nasty, so it's a mystery for the ages.

So, in conclusion: sandwiches = good, but crazy pricing = bad.