Hold on!

I am (amazingly enough) extremely busy at work right now and that is when I do all of my lovely postings, so see above.

Untitled

How can I even come up with a title for this post? Maybe you decide once you have seen it, then you can title it as you see fit.

Okay, on a list of things that I HATE (which would be quite long, who am I kidding?) somewhere in the Top 20 would be the following: slippers that look like animals (or make it look like you have your feet thrust into animals' backs or asses). See photo:


My mother gave me a pair of woolly sheep slippers not too long ago. I even wore them a few times before giving them to Goodwill. They grossed me out, and pretty much guaranteed sleepless nights, as they would always peek out of my closet.

So, one of my other Pet Peeves- which would be way up at the TOP of the list: GARFIELD. I fucking HATE Garfield. I hate his heavy eyelids, his fat ass and his dissssss-gusting feet. Disgusting. His toes are so long and wiggly and he is always trying to catch a glimpse of them over his fat fucking stomach. I hate the voice they gave him in the cartoon, and I hate the fact that they have now made 2 movies featuring his fat-fuck smug-ass face.

SO, imagine my HORROR when I came across the following:



YES. It is true. Garfield (aka Beelzebub's Servant) wearing slippers... OF HIMSELF.

I cannot describe the violence with which my body shudders at the sight of this abomination. I may have to write a stern letter to someone- anyone- who may be able to make this stop.

Just one more thing...

Witness: the brilliance of the tuxedo t-short versus the madness of the male footie pajama.

The thing that's bothering me is that it is ENTIRELY possible that the man modeling the two styles is the same. Look closely. Maybe in the footie pajama illustration he has gained a pound or two, hence the swaddling himself in flannel, whereas he is clearly a pret-ty sharp customer, steppin' out on the town in that tux tee.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

I hate the fucking Blue Man Group. Hate them. With a passion.

So, when I was bored at work, looking at job ads THIS jumped out at me.
The Blue Man Group is looking for a WARDROBE SUPERVISOR.

HOW would this work? Perhaps as follows:

Job Description:

Help three idioctic and pretentious men lather themselves with blue paint. Oh, and make sure they have clean black turtlenecks.

JOB REQUIREMENTS

-Must not be allergic to blue paint
-Must be able to launder clothes quickly and to high specifications
-Must be able to suffer through many 'body rhythm' sessions and people blowing out tunes on old milk bottles and repurposed industrial plastic pipes, while looking solemnly google-eyed at the audience
-Must give up any dignity you ever possessed, because if you were to get this job, you would be a slave to the Blue Man Group, and the only friends you would have would be the idiots that think they are actually fucking 'amazing'.

How sweet it is...

Does it get any better? An El Ca-fucking-mino with a couch in back.

If I had a moustache, dirty sideburns, porn star shades and a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of my tight, white t-shirt, that car would be mine. However, if I ever did wake up to find myself thus transformed I would actually be rocking back and forth in the corner shrieking, while Daniel vomited all over our house.

Ew, anyway. The car is pretty amazing, but that whole scenario I just described makes me throw up in my mouth.

Could it be?

Could this be the best music video ever made?


check it out

It IS one of the best songs... in the world.

For better or for worse

I was reminded of this cartoon and how much it used to infuriate me when I would read it in the paper at home (The Brattleboro Reformer! Holla!)

Looking at it now, I can only think that it's because 1) the characters are ALL so annoying and 'knowing' 2) my mother LOVES it 3) I think they must be Canadian 4) they're always wearing bell bottoms and overalls- even NOW, and she is always drawing pictures of their asses and it makes me uneasy. AND I hate their names. Whoa. I have a lot of rancor towards this cartoon.

and here you can go to the website and 'travel back in time' with the whole fucking family. Which one of them do I hate the most? April? Mike? Elizabeth? The Mom? I think it might be the mom. She blows.

Or the dog. The dog blows too. Fucking Farley.

The ONLY cartoon that can top this on my shit list is Dilbert. I fucking hate that shit so much it make me go cross-eyed with rage. The worst part about Dilbert: Dogbert. Nuff said.