I'm king of the woooorld!!!

Yes, this is it. I said KING ME and then lo und behold I found a fellow who had me beat. Hats off to you, sir.

For more Dutch Prom King goodness, see here

Would you be my friend if I...

... grew sideburns?

... had a crew cut?

... wore vests a la Brenda on the early years of 90210?

... set fire to seeing-eye dogs?

... had an orange for a head?

... used bald men's heads as mirrors?

If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, I don't want to be YOUR friend. Ha HA, flipped the script on your ass! KING ME!

I'm so excited!

Why this picture? Because I am excited and I wanted an image that would put that across. To me nothing spells excitement like a sweaty Richard Simmons and a bunch of fatties. Just kidding. They aren't that fat. Tubby, maybe.

Anyway, the important thing is that I am excited because I have just booked a ticket to go to New York for a week in March! yahooo! I will also be going up to VT to visit my folks, but I have to confess I am most thrilled about the New York part. As is Elnie, my gracious hostess. Since I still have her apartment key and I trust she has not changed the locks (here's hoping!) I can just bop on over from the airport (Newark, natch).

I am making my mental list of things I want to eat. I have been making this list since December, when I first considered making the trip.

So, the countdown starts now. March 9 is D Day. Peace out.

You stinker!

Yes, c'est vrai. Niall is leaving Glasgow. Moving to London. He's going to be like one of the old crusty men on Eastenders. Either that or he will start dressing like Mr. Peanut and develop a plummy accent and a fondess for saying "What ho!" and "I say!" So basically he will become Bertie Wooster.

Sad stuff. I would like to think that Niall is SAD about leaving Glasgow, but I know that 1) it is January and really, there is nowehere else you would RATHER leave, 2) He will be soon living quite near his good lady, and 3) He knows that London is, like, SO cost-effective and you can get a great flat there for next to nothing... oh wait, I somehow had London mixed up with Cleveland. My bad. They are rather same-ish though, don't you think? One is a beacon of culture, land of literary giants, rich with history. The other: not too far from the airport. Better doughnuts in Cleveland, I bet.

Anyway, Niall, I will miss you, even though I don't see you so often. BUT I know that you will still have a phone and therefore I can expect random texts at odd hours a la Niall. It is his speciality.

Just think, all I will have to remember him by will be when the full moon shines like the light reflected off of his giant forehead! Bwah hahahaha. Love ya, Niall. I will see you on the 26th. I may or may not be wearing a t-shirt that says
"Bon Fucking Voyage, Fuckwad!"

Was that hostile? Perhaps. Sorry. I don't really mean it.

Big news for rabbit lovers!

OMG! Giant rabbits! Could this be the best pet ever?
It's like having a dog. A quiet dog that does not bark.

a haiku:

giant rabbit's foot
have never been so lucky
i hit the jackpot

so, it's not my best, but I have been out of practice for a while. And that was quite spur of the moment.

Okay. Gots to get me a giant rabbit, prontissimo.

Why the long face?

This is where I would like to live...

I imagine a large plate of small muffins (or a small plate of large muffins) sitting inside, cooling on the table.

And all my furniture would look like this:



and I would basically be a gnome.

To David

It has recently come to my attention that David 'Take the D Train' Tamarkin has just 'discovered' this blog- despite the fact that I am SURE I told him about it months ago. Whatever. The point is, he has thrown down the gauntlet and presented me with a bit of a challenge. Here is my riposte:

1) This is clearly the woman who does Carrot Top's eyebrows. Though she may be a wealthy socialite, Jocelyn Wildenstein- aka The Cat lady- also has a sideline in hair removal. It helps while away those cold winter nights in the plastic surgeon's office.


2) If you are a sad clown, then I get to be a chatty mime.

3) Your mother getting swimming lessons for the dog is the equivalent of my getting pottery lessons for my guinea pig. It SEEMS pointless, but then the little fucker turns out near perfect terra cotta planters that just take your breath away. You never know.

4) I repeat: you NEVER know.

5) IF I had my own language it would be called Freemanian.

6) I should never have forgotten Webster's afro. I am amazed it never took the turn down Jheri Curl Lane. Thank God.