Potter Mania!

Ever since I saw *that* photo of Daniel Radcliffe in Equus I have not really been able to get into Potter Mania with the same gusto. The fact that my co-worker repeatedly sent me the photos via email and titled them HARRY'S GOT HIS WAND OUT! did not help either. In an attempt to return to innocence, I have searched for some wholesome images of Das Potter...


Zing! This cat positively SPELLS magic(k)!




Okay, all fine and good, but this dog as Hogwarts student has prompted me to delve deeper and dance with the devil himself:



From wikipedia: 'A geisha's appearance changes throughout her career, from the girlish, heavily made up maiko, to the more sombre appearance of an older established geisha.' Where in her career is this tender petal?



Okay, I nearly died when I saw this. Seriously, it was the vomit rising in my throat, choking me, that did it. As I proceeded through the tunnel, towards the white light, who was there to greet me but Jimi Hendrix himself, claiming to have been reincarnated as the very dog who sent me down the primrose path to an untimely death. Luckily I was not ready to go so soon and clawed my way back to the land of the living. Fuck you, hippy dog! Get a job.



Dog as Princess Leia. The dog brassiere really gives me pause: has the women's lib movement changed nothing?



Gah! I'm actually totally okay with the cape, which is an issue in itself, it's the fake litte fists that freak me out (see Hippy Dog as well- and his spindly legs- and, well FUCKING EVERYTHING) but seriously:



The buck stops here, people. It's bad enough dressing dogs up as people, or characters from books and films, but OTHER ANIMALS? Total mind-rape.

Flying to Greggs

A few years ago I lived in an apartment that was fairly close to my subway stop, BUT I had to cross a very annoying intersection usually full of either sketchy dudes cruising for hos or people going to Burger King. Many is the time I tried to run to the bodega for a cola only to wind up waiting to cross the street for 10 fucking minutes.

I often wished I had a jetpack so I could soar above the bozos running for the train and jet to my job, and should I have a hankering for a tootise roll or some similar confection, I could slip on the jetpack and cruise on down to the deli.

Then I saw this and realised that I would just look like an asshole. And maybe somebody would shoot me down.

If only this guy had then gone into the Greggs, bought a steakbake and then flown away, never to be seen again.

You people suck...

Only Elnie has had a guess, and she is so off, tis not even funny. Well, maybe she isn't SO far off. I will give you until the end of the week to come up with some better uesses. I am disappointed in you all. ALL!

Meanwhile:



Feast your eyes on that little nugget of nastiness.

oh, and congrats to Niall and Mitch for getting engaged!!! Below is what I will be wearing to the wedding.



If anyone needs a place to stay, let me know, I have a spare house on my BACK! Hahahahahaha!

Guess the image search

First, hello! I am back! Daniel and I had a great time in Seville. HOWEVER, it got off to a rocky start when 1) Daniel discovered some mosquito bites in his armpit and was sure he was going to die, and 2) I did not react with the appropriate amount of concern. We had some beers and it passed. We can laugh at it now, can't we? Keep your eyes on this space for news of impending divorce should I have been incorrect. Ah, he never reads this shit anyway! JK! OMG! LOL! TTFN!

Anyway, the mosquito bites only got worse and I have some now as well. They are reacting well to Scotland's cooler climes. I am not.

The mosquitos were really harbingers of a greater evil: bascially our hotel was staffed by the cast of Grumpy Old Men and Grumpier Old Men (who, amazingly enough are THE SAME OLD MEN) who did not so much speak as growl, making my already limited Spanish skills a bit weaker... the fact that we were THE ONLY PEOPLE STAYING IN THE HOTEL did not endear us to them, as clearly they had better things to do, like sucking on fucking Werthers Originals, watching their stories and talking about fishing trips past.

I will put up photos later. They do not show any of the old men, as taking their photos would only have further induced their wrath.

Now, I am easing myself back into work, and my NEW JOB/PROMOTION starts today, which means I actually have a lot to do, but I refuse to do it. Instead I have posted the images below, all of which were found on the same website (horrifying, eh?). Props and a *special prize* (I am not bullshitting, I will send you a prize) to the person who has the closest guess as to what Google Image Search key words I put in.

Not on holiday yet...

One more day. Just wanted to let you foolz see the type of rockin' combos I am going to be busting out on vay-cay. I take my inspiration DIRECTLY from Weekend @ Bernie's. Madras? Check. Board shorts? Check! Hawaiian shirt? CHECK! Super stylin' shades
a la Bernie himself? CHIZ-Neckers!

Polydactyl Delights

This photo of a cat with a total of 26 toes on the BBC website sparked a morbid interest in polydactyl cats. Also, please note how fucking EVIL this cat looks: eyes that look into the heart of your very being. Dead eyes, a doll's eyes...







GET A LOAD OF THIS SHIT! What kind of freakishly firm handshake would these cats have? Seriously, thumb wrestling cats are probably already major entertainment in China, but I am not sure we in the west are ready for this type of festishistic toe-worship.





In other news: I am going on vacaaaaation! See y'alls later.

Just FYI...

My birthday is just a few months away!!!!

and while we're on the subject of sock monekys... best ever:



and for the more dedicated:



Um... full-sized, anatomically correct sock monkey:



I think it's best we stop now, before I tear out my own EYES.

June is bustin' out all over!

In celebration of this new month, so full of promise:



a photo of some ass-munch in a lobster hat. I love that anytime I go on the internet, perhaps even searching for something completely innocuous, I ALWAYS seem to land on a photo of some dick prancing around in some ridiculous shit like this. But he's just so damn glad to be here that you cannot hate him, can you?

A further trawl through the Image pages reveals more sinister fare:








This one is so grim, I can hardly keep down my grog! The one on the right is named Filthy Fanny- no joke! Here she is again, entertaining the bucaneers with a hearty sea chanty:



Is it just me, or does this image harken back to another master of forshortened crowd-pleasing?



The Glory Days of Spain! Kind of makes your skin crawl, eh? Could be worse though:



Nothing says TRAGIC like pirate wench abandoned in a car park. And is that a polarfleece vest she's wearing? Pathetic..