The End is Nigh

The end of the Reign of Laziness is coming. On Tuesday I start a new job. What am I going to do? I will have to wake up early and take the bus during rush hour and join the masses of (shudder) common people who work.

Even on the few days a week that I did 'work' over the last few months, I was exhausted. And what of my social life? No more staying up til all hours, downing 40s, blowing rails and dancing until my feet bleed! I'll have to stay in, playing whist with a hot cup of cocoa (can cocoa play whist?), while the hubby polishes his shoes. Fucking hell, I may as well be MARRIED. Oh. Wait. Har har har.

And what will happen to my 'ME time'? When will I have the chance to sit, eating bonbons, painting my toenails and watching my stories? I will have to wait for bank holidays, like any other working stiff. Unfair!

And perhaps worst of all, I will have to have those 'work conversations' about the weather and the weekend and catching colds and elevators and stupid little things. Maybe they don't do that here in Scot-land. Maybe they talk about their hooses and bairns and what tartan their clan is and how the heather in the glen is bonnie as a wee something.

Meh, whatever. Maybe I will bring some good old fashioned American surliness to the pristinely designed halls of my new workplace and just grunt in response to any questions.

In any case, it is going to be a tough transition. To help me through The Change please buy me gummy candy and/or Minstrels. And if any American people can find it in their hearts to help put a smile on my face (Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, I am talking to you guys) then a postcard, letter or other parcel is appreciated.

Goodbye, goodbye. I love you all.