Guaranteed GOLD!

Here are Sarah Freeman's Guaranteed Gold OSCAR predictions (for the categories that count). I have called this shit before, so you can bet even money (or gummy candy) that I will be sweeping it as per us. (that's pronounce 'yewshhhh').

Actor in a Leading Role:
I am going to go ahead and say PSH in 'Capote.' It is TIME for Oscar to shine on the rounded, ginger-haired glory that is Philip Seymour Hoffman. Coming out of 'Capote' last weekend, a fellow viewer described him as 'chameleon-like.' Does it GET any better?
*NOTE: If Heath Ledger sneaks in on this one I will never watch 10 Things I Hate About You again. Wait, that's a lie- I am totally watching it asap.
**NOTE: If David Strathairn of 'Good Night and Good Luck' gets a surprise win I will write the Academy to remind them that he was in 'Sneakers.' That's all I'm saying. And yes, I DO own that very film. And it's brilliant, but hardly fodder worthy of a future Oscar winner.

Actor in a Supporting Role:
It's a tough call. I have not seen 'Syriana' but I bet Le Cloon gets it because the world is so into him right now. Then again, it could be Jake Gyllenhaal... his sideburns were tres convincing. But I will stick with Clooney and his Rather Rotund Role in 'Syriana.'

Actress in a Leading Role:
Okay, they can NOT give this to Judi Dench. No. I think it should be Reese Witherspoon. But maybe that is because I find her less repelant than the others in the category. I love a good mullet as much as the next gal, but something about Charlize Theron rubs me the wrong way. And Keira Knightley and her wolf teeth annoy the hell out of me. As for Felicity Huffman, she is fine and was in THE best movie of all time, 'The Spanish Prisoner,' but let's get real: it's not happening this year, Felicity. Reese's? PEACEZ! That was supposed to be hilarious- was it? YES.

Actress in a Supporting Role:
Got to be Michelle Williams. GOT TO. She was really good. I love Frances McDormand, and Rachel Weisz was fine in 'The Constant Gardener' but Michelle was the only good thing about Dawson's Creek for a very long time and it is time for her to get a bit of payback for that, instead of the hideous haircuts they kept giving her on the show.

Best Director:
Hum hum hum... this is tough. At first I would say Ang Lee for 'Brokeback Mountain,' right off the bat, but it sort of seems like there may be a bit o' backlash lately and maybe they would give it to someone else... BUT WHO? I doubt they would give it to Spielbergo, because he is just too 90's and Tom Hanks wasn't in it, therefore it is debatable that it was actually a Spielberg filmn at all... so, 'Capote'? It might happen, yes, yes it might. Let's just say 'Capote' but if 'Brokeback Mountain' gets it, I'm not eating my hat or anything.

Best Film:
This is it, people. Isn't it? It is what we have all been waiting for... defining moment. One for the ages. Then again, what the hell won last year? I have NO idea. I do remember watching it with Holly. Dude, was it 'Million Dollar Baby'? WAS IT? That's sick. No. It can't have been. Let's not talk about it.

OKAY.... this year, the OSCAR will go to (kazoo fanfare)

'Brokeback Mountain'

yes, I really believe it will. I know that means that in my opinion, 'Crash' will not get any Oscars, but I just think this is how it will be. This isn't easy, you know. It's not like Sean Penn is in anything so I can just say, 'Uh, yeah. Sean Penn's the winner!' or some other Guaranteed Gold alum such as fucking Clint Eastwood. (Oh my god, he won last year, didn't he? Ahhhh! My mind is burning! His face is as leathery as the face of the 13 year old girl who works at the tanning salon down the road from me. For real. He's seen fire AND he's seen rain. Alas, the rain did nothing to counteract the effects of the hide-tanning solution he bathes in.) That aside, I believe that does it. What a doozy!

*SPECIAL NOTE* How amazing would it be if 'Hard Out There for a Pimp' won an Oscar? Just think about it for a bit.