A Few Things

I have spent a few hours this evening contemplating the MASSIVE schnoz that is Gerard Depardieu. I have come to the conclusion that 1) the massive dent in his nose is akin to the craters of the moon and 2) this is where the smurfs were born and where they have built their world- a utopia threatened only by the evil Gargamel and his really naggy cat.


What do you have to say about this, Gerard?



'Qui? Moi? Uuuuuuh, I am not so sure what you are talking about when you talk about SMURVES... they live on my face? But how fabulous. I tell them this: drink and love, my little friends. Sausage wine and melody- as yes, I DO mean wine made from sausages, mon vieux. Romance is key to all monkey happiness. Smoke the cigarette of life as though it were a Gauloise held in the lips of a porpoise. Drink deep from the carafe of life, as if it were the 1/2 price house wine that made you gag the first time you drank as a five year old boy. Sop up the rich sauce of life with the baguette of desire. Tear open the croissant of joy with buttery fingers of anticipation. You are wildflowers, papillions! Merde! But what do I know? I am just a man.'

Yes. you heard that shit here first, peeps. I alone can translate the sheer fucking insanity that spews forth from the mumbling mouth of G. Dep.

Speaking of insanity:




Just another fucking MONDAY over here folks. Me and my shrooms. Handy, as they keep the fucking rain off as well. I'd be one sad-ass soggy mofo without this fab parasol... it may look sunny in this photo, but the storm clouds are gathering and a righteous rain is a-comin'. Good thing I've got these: THE BEST JEANS IN THE WORLD to protect me against these harsh climes. I've managed to siphon some of the acid used in dyeing them to supplement the hallucinogens from this GIANT MUSHROOM I'VE BEEN TRIPPING OFF SINCE EASTER- as a result I will be high as fuck until further notice. Drugs may have changed my appearance, but I am still the same simple, happy soul I have always been.

The Pursuit of fucking Happyness indeed.