A night at the opera

What? These?



Oh, they're just my new opera glasses. I got them yesterday. And here's the kicker: they were made by a mental patient. Yeah, it's true. £500 and some change at a little shoppe, it DOES get a bit hard to see the 'action', but they're SO charming and I REALLY needed new opera glasses, ya know?

You don't like opera? Huh, that's weird. I don't think I know ANYONE who doesn't like *opera*! Are you sure you don't mean you don't like POP-era? because that is just WAAAAAY beyond the pale.

Sooo, back to my glasses:



Do you like them? What? My BOWL CUT? Well, looks can be deceiving, its not a PROPER bowl cut per se, just more like my bangs have grown too long and- what's that, dear? What am I having for dinner?

Why, OYSTERS of course, darling!



My favorite of all fruits of the sea... aren't they yours? Snot? Hmm, that's a bit GAUCHE, I never really thought of that... no I really didn't. Snot. Well, just goes to show. But anyway, I just saw the DAMNDEST thing in the park as I was going for a leisurely jog... yes, yes I DO go for a run now and- what? well, it HAS been a while, but... yes, I know, aches and pains and what not, you know... but anyway, the DAMNDEST thing, you'll never guess. Go on, guess. No?

PIGEON SEX!

I KNOW, it was really quite something. Rather disturbing if I do say so myself. No, with another pigeon. No, she didn't look to pleased about it either. I know. Yes, rather tawdry.



No, never seen anything quite like it. A bit... awkward really, there were a few children playing nearby and I'm certainly glad I wasn't the one who had to do the explaining. No, just ran on by... Hmm? Oh yes! I AM in the market for some new furs! Why, do you know someone who has some for sale?



Well, that sound delightful. Yes, by all means give him my number. But I really must be going... who am I going with? Well, funny thing really: he's the brother of my fiance... yes. No, Ronny. He's the one with the wooden hand... you know, the baker? Well, turns out he simply LOVES the opera.



No, Johnny has gone back to Sicily to see his ailing mother. I know, timing, eh? Well, it's never a good time is it? But annnyway, we're off to La Boheme at Lincoln Center... my what? My hair done? Hmm, you think so? Take the grey out? Well, I never really thought I was that grey, but maybe you're right- treat myself, eh? Something a bit new, fresh?



You know what? I'll DO IT. Yes, well it's great to see you too. Yes, we must. Okay then, do call. Mmm hmm. I will! Ha! hahahahahahaaaa ha ha... ahhhh mm hmm. Okay, well I'd better be- she did? Ohhh, that's not good is it? How did it happen? Well, you never know who's going to be wandering around in the woods. I mean it's dangerous, isn't it?



Mmm, I remember that. Yes... sigh, well, I really should be on myw ay. Okay, ell let's meet up sometime and really catch up. Okay, yes. And give my love to Frank.