A Sad Day

There was a time when things were pure, a more innocent time... now everything has gone to shit. Proof? They're keeping Peter Falk in a fucking cage, very heavily drugged.



This man is not a fucking animal in a zoo, people! He played the world's best Bassett Hound-owning, chili-eating and stubby pencil-using detective of all. And now like a regal lion or a wild mandril trapped behind bars, he is forced to entertain the fake tanned masses by wallowing in his own filth. Has it come to this?

Further proof of the apocalypse follows:


Fred Savage has bagged himself a bride.





This self same Savage is torturing puppies by taking them back in time and cuddling them against his rapidly roughening peach fuzz. I shake my fist at you, Savage!

Uh oh, more bad news:



People have been returning their Cabbage Patch Kids to the farm! I blame Xavier Roberts and his unhealthy use of GMOs in the baby fields. This is a warning, Roberts. I know you are out there and I will go Travolta in 'A Civil Action' on your ass (minus the wide face and large overcoat I hope, but who knows what the future holds)!




Ray Liotta sure as fuck doesn't know. Looks like he has cashed in his chips, headed to the leather outlet and said, 'Fuck it, gimme the works.' Hmm, looks like hard times all right: dressed in leather, squatting in the dust, not so sure about that. Hope it all works out for you Ray. Can't say I didn't see it coming. I'm no gambling woman, but when two of your recent films have been 'Wild Hogs' and 'John Q', well, it's even money that you're not rolling in it... actually, depends what 'it' is, I guess. Par exemple:



Is he trying to get in on a sneaky threesome there? No? Wait, HEARTBREAKERS? Ray! Holy Jesus Shoes! Clearly by 'it' we mean he is rolling in the sad, sick milkshake that is self-delusion. He needs the ministrations of sassy housekeeper Corinna- as played by the inimitable Whoopi(!) Goldberg- to coax him out of this fugue of SHIT.

Good luck, Ray. We're all rooting for you.