It's not all bad

I am in the office all alone today!! SUCKAZ! I will have turned it into a smokehouse by the time they come back and will be curing ham, kippers and bacon.



Wassup, y'all? Welcome to my smokehouse. I call it The Cure-All. Ha!

Sigh. If only.

Annnnyway, sometimes after a particularly vitriolic session of bitching I like to sit back, light a giant cigar (in the metaphorical sense, natch) and just say 'what the fuck does it allll mean?' I'm kind of philisophical like that.

I like to think of myself as a 'Jeff Goldblum in 'Jurassic Park'' figure,



Just kickin' back, exposing my waxed chest (only on a weekend- hence those scratchy patches. Yipes!) and hashing it all out.

Ooooh, but I can be shy too.



Be gentle.

Right, anyway. I am SORT of like Siddhartha (as played by Keanu Reeves in 'Little Buddha' - yes, I have seen it. I took one for the team. I watched it so you didn't have to). I like to think that doing that film gave Keanu enough inner peace to reconcile the damp-palmed, gum-shredding, harelip-inducing panic created by 'The Lake House' which is SURE to be the subject of some international tribunal on UNLAWFUL FUCKING TORTURE.

I know, I know... they can't ALL be "Bill and Ted's Excellent Advenuture,' but seriously would even settle for 'Bill and Ted's Heinous Mistake, Part The Third.' That actually might be on the slate already, so shhhhh and I'll see if I can get some percentage points off the back end! I am so industry!

Here I am at a high-powered business event.



Is the tie too much?

Here I am after Vanity fair's Oscar party. It was a hell of a scene. I had to be dragged home to the Bat Cave by Alfred, my aged butler (he has good days and bad days, what can I say).



Best part of being a big mover and shaker? I get first dibs on the cottage cheese and cold cuts down at my local salad bar. They even wipe down the sneeze guard before I come in!