Conspiracy

I am sure that I am not the first to put together the pieces of this particular puzzle, but really this has me BLOWN AWAY:

One and the same?



Could this seemingly innocent pile of sweet potatoes in fact be 600- year old slovenly crime lord Jabba the Hut(t)?



And ALSO, I allege that Jabba the Hut and well-known reggae superstar Shabba Ranks are ONE AND THE SAME and that the SMASH HIT 'Mr. Loverman' is in fact a fabricated testament to Hut's so-called skills as a lover! Recall, if you will, the delicate whisper in the chorus of 'Mr. Loverman (Jabba!)' And witness this apt description of the Vile Hut on wikipedia:

"Jabba has a grim sense of humor, a bellicose laugh, an insatiable appetite, and an affinity for gambling, slave girls, and torture.[3]"

WHO ELSE but the Hut would have the resources to insinuate himself into the tune in such a devious manner!



Impostor. Clearly Shabba Ranks is a figment of Hut's demented imagniation- giving himself the physique and sexual prowess that he himself lacks! YOU ARE TOTALLY BUSTED, JABBA/SHABBA.


This one has me baffled:



Who the FUCK has let this train roll off the production line? It is CLEARLY not fit for use. IT HAS EYES for pete's sake!
My god, I am no better than a sweaty Mel Gibson, raking my trembling hand through my rapidly receding hairline. THE CLUES ARE EVERYWHERE PEOPLE.



I would SO much rather be raving madman with a premanently distastrous mullet:



Look at that wild-eyed maverick! He reminds me of someone... but who???



That's right, renegade robot Johnny 5 of Short Circuit fame. And at last it ALL falls into place: the booze, the women, the rabid anti-semitism: 'Mel Gibson' is actually a shell of human skin that has been pulled over the BAD SEED that is Johnny 5. What a fucking DICK.