My Favo(u)rite Things

Aloha bitches!

As this glorious weather is definitely going to end sometime soon, I thought I would gather these fucking rosebuds while I may and bust with the positivity. Yes, unlike me I know but what the HEY!

Here are some of my fave things:

1) Catching people checking out their reflection in car and shop windows. This cracks me up. And disgusts me. It's a fine line, people. A fine fucking line. My bro used to do this all the time and it angered me so much that I refused to look in a mirror from age 9-11. This resulted in some fucked up outfits. It was an awkward time:

That's me on the left. Bwahhhhhahahaha!  TOTALLY kidding. I was never that tan. And I don't look that good in red.

Hoooooooo! I'm on a roll. Like John  Travolta playing dolt George Malley in 'Phenomenon' when he finally figures out he might TOTALLY score with Kyra Sedgewick (despite her odd duck lips). HOO HAH!

But where was I?

Oh yes:

2) Captain Ahab. 

Forget effing James Dean and Deuce Bigalow. Hotness is a monomaniac with a peg-leg. Seriously though, he's a well-travelled, distinguished fellow WITH AN EDGE. And played by Gregory Peck? PUh-leeeze people, it's a fucking dream come true. I would get me a harpoon and stow away disguised as Queequeg just to hear him say 'hard a-starboard.' Goosebumps, people. Seriously.

Errrmmm, right. Not that I care about that kind of things at alllll. (Cue awkward innocent whistling).

3) Giant eggs.

Because if you don't like giant eggs there is something really wrong with you. And if I had known you didn't like giant eggs, we would never have become friends. 

4) The rise and fall of Christina Slater. 

Just the concept that Slater has made it this fucking far staggers me. HE HAS THE HEART OF A BABOON!!!!! (See Untamed Heart co-starring Marissa Tomei. Frealz).

Heart of a baboon. Huh. makes ya think. Anyhooooo, I'm purty tuckered out now, but um, I will leave you with this retina searing goodness:

I like to think the picture was meant to be of the ATM, but these fuckwads got in the way. Bottoms up!!