Simpler times

Anyone who knows me well knows I love a good petting zoo. Goats are my faves. They are so evil. You know that they are laughing at you, and planning on pulling your pants down so everyone else can laugh at you too.

Genius.

Innyhoo, methinks time is way overdue for a petting zoo the people can really get behind... yes, my newest acid flashback induced brainchild:




Baldwin Petting Zoo. They're hairy, they're sly and they might eat your undies if you don't play close attention- wait, who are we kidding: they've probably ALREADY eaten them... and you didn't even NOTICE.

They're like the tiger shark mistaken for The Shark in JAWS: a garbage can. If you snuck down to the pier by night, drunk off your ass and cut their bellies open you would find a boot, a Louisiana license plate, and god knows what else (but NOT the body of poor, dead Alex Kintner).

I mean, who would not want to scratch little Billy B behind the ears, feed him a lump of sugar and laugh when he scratches his balls with his nose (flexible!)? Bee-tee dubz, that was a rhetorical question, because there is NO LIVING BEING on earth who would not pay good money to see that shit.

Can't you imagine Danny Baldwin, writhing in a pile of his own filth, perhaps grunting and straining against the fence that holds him in? Um YES... it's just so fucking OBVIOUS I am suprised nobody has thoughgt of this before.

And of course Alec, running around the yard, trying to mount unwilling females! Ha! Baldwins- they're just like us!!!

Dragons' Den, here I fucking come.