Retrogressive Shout Out

So, Friday was ELNIE'S BIRTHDAY and I fully meant to post this then, but I was too busy crying because I was unable to go to her bday party in the BK, so to distract me from the sadness, I broke my fingers and am now using a voice-activated system that reads my thoughts. DOUGHNUTSSSSSSSS!

Seriously though: now I can sit back and ramble on like an old lady in a rocking chair, gazing out the window. I wish I had a rocking chair! Or, even better, I can digress constantly a la Lt. Columbo and maybe eventually get to the point, while patting the pockets of my rumpled overcoat.

OKAY: the first time I met Elnie we were wearing the same pants (and not in a 'we are sharing one pair of giant clown pants even though we are only just meeting each other' way, though that would have been remarkably fucking fantastic. No, we were wearing the same KIND of pants and it soon turned out that we had actually bought them at the same place (Roz's Place, fyi, is it even still there?) so right away I knew we would be besties. Except for the fact that I thought her name was Elmie.

Yes, Elnie and I have been through thick and thin. Mostly thick on my part, as Elnie has witnessed some of my most embarrassing moments (the 'that's the best pizza I ever had!' uttered in my FAMOUS 'fat man' voice; the Italian dance revolution, etc.) and she is always the first person I tell about moments that she has missed (The 'Hello, Latte scandal of 2000, par exemple) and we have shared a fair few as well: being foiled in our attempt to rent 'The Holiday' from the video store; Elnie being SURE that she and Jake Gyllenhaal 'shared a moment' when we saw him on the corner; the Rodrigo/Chubs/Shadow metamorphosis, not so much embarrassing as mystifying... hmm, way too many things to list. Not to mention the not-as-embarrassing moments. There may have been some. They probably involved Diagnosis Murder.

ANYWAY, the point is, it has been 11 years since I met Elnie. HOLY SHIT. That means she is old. Almost as old as the hills from which she hails. Happy Belated Birthday Elnie and I wish I could have gone to your party. Congrats on being older.