This Just In!

That's right chumps, turns out all this anger and hatred toward my Fellow Man has been getting me way the fuck down and is responsible for that throbbing vein in my neck and the constant twitching of my eye.

It's time yet again to turn to happier thoughts... things I like:

1) The STOP buttons on buses when they are all worn out and the T and the O meld together to make it read SOP. Love that shit. Don't ask me why. Gets me every time.

2) Besting a worthy opponent at chess. Here I am below castling like a motherfucker. Take THAT Dr. Zaius. 

3) Riding around in my ASSMOBILE. 

Nothing- and I mean nothing- gets mo' respect than being seen in this low-riding sweet stuff. Boom the bass and back that ass up. Once around the block, my good man!

4) Just thinking about the miracle of life and putting it all in perspective... 

HOLY EFFING SHIT, people. I am sorry, but I had to break my train of thought there to just CALL ATTENTION to the fact that there is such a thing as a 'giving birth to yourself' costume! Can you get one where instead of a woman at the top it's Arnold Schwarzenegger, grimacing and straining like a constipated rhino? You can? Well then that's THIS Halloween sorted!

For real though- the Arnold idea is HAPPENING. Yet another trip to the Dragons' Den is in the cards, methinks! 

If anyone wants in let me know. We can totally go half-sies.