Breakfast

By gum, I reckon I done seen it all now folks.

So there I was, on the bus to work (P4! Holler!). The second stop a man got on and sat next to me, but not just any man. No. He was an angrier, slightly chubbier and even shorter version of Joe Pesci, looking even more inclined to hot-headed violent outbursts, and though the rest of the bus was VIRTUALLY EMPTY, he elects to sit next to fucking MUGGINS here. Thanks.

I tried my best to ignore his less than salubrious presence and read my (amazing) book about a run down boat-bum private eye named Travis McGee who lives ona houseboat named The Busted Flush. I am not even kindding about this, peeps. You cannot make this shit up. The book is called 'A Tan and Sandy Silence.' How fucking awesome is that? The thing is, it kind of sucks... but that's neither here nor there.

So anyway, about 5 minutes into the bus ride, Pesci puts his (long fingernailed) hand into his jacket pocket and brings out...
oh, just a PIECE OF TOAST, then reaches in again to produce a small plastic knife and a foil-wrapped pat of butter (btw how nasty are the words 'pat of butter'? I know. FUUUUUCK). Yup. He butters the toast, eats it (very noisily) and then LICKS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF HIS FINGER TIPS. Even his thumbs. So so gross.

Now, I know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but bitch, PLEASE. Do not bust that shit out on public transport. At least not on my watch.

In an attempt to make light of the situation I am posting my top toast photos EVER. Enjoy:





and by 'toast' I mean lump of SHIT. How sick is this? yet another crime against humanity perpetrated by Dunkin' Donuts. The first and most heinous crime being the fucking name 'Dunkin' Donuts.'




Here I am toasting at Xmas Luau 1994. I'm the one front left with the Dr. Pepper. and yes, I DO have my eyes closed. As per fucking usual. Can't seem to take a dang good picture these days. It's the viagra. Makee me twitch. And sweat a lot. Heyyyy, how about you and me... you know? This evening? Wear that dress I like.

Whoooaaaa, sorry there guys. I get a bit carried away.

Yup, those are the Top Toasts. I get the funny feeling you SAPS thought they might be pictures of toast! Bwaaaahhhhhhh! Disappointed, eh? Has Fweeman let you down? Poor babies.

Another interesting fact about toast and I will leave you.

Did you know... that in the original script from Quentin Tarantino's section of 'Four Rooms' there was meant to be one room just filled with people making toast? See the recently discovered tagline from imdb below.

'Twelve outrageous guests. Four scandalous requests for toast. And one lone bellhop, in his first day on the job, who's in for the wildest New year's Eve of his life. And it involves TOAST.'

Props to anyone who can spot the leetle white lie in there!