Shit cakes

Charming, no?

Well as excited as I am to move down to London, this past weekend's events have shown that there is a fucking miserably high ratio of complete cock monocles living there. I know, right? COCK MONOCLES! I made it up! Say it five times fast! Also good is COCK WALLET. My apologies to anyone scouring the internet for particularly nasty shit using 'cock wallet' as a search term. Wait, screw the apology. Dude, you SICK.

So, what makes me say this? Welp, Daniel and I were going to see a movie in a theater in Islington (nuff said? Perhaps.) and when I got up to make my way to the bathroom (film had not started yet, in fact, it was not due to start for 15 more minutes) the two women sitting right next to us (also, btw, they came in and sat RIGHT NEXT to us- none of the customary 'I am a normal human being and therefore will leave a seat between me and the complete stranger in this row' protocol, but whatever) looked up at me as IF I had not only stolen her first born, got him hooked on crank and then pimped him out to the highest bidder, but then subsequently reached in, pulled out her stomach and with it fashioned makeshit babgpipes with which I then butchered her favorite Eric Clapton tune (Beautiful Tonight, btw. Totally. Fucking bizz-natch. I hate Clapton).

EXCUUUUUUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME! Okay, I'm no angel... yes, I know, hard to believe. BUT STILL.

I need to direct this anger somewhere positive, like baking a giant Frito pie or donating organs. Instead, I will take it upon myself to spread the good word:



I know it is old news, I know. BUT they are coming back. I have mentioned that I saw it coming. The clues have been all around. They told us themselves in the lyrics to 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)':

'So everybody everywhere Don't be afraid don't have no fear
Gonna tell the world
Make you understand
As long as there be music
We'll be coming back again'
Chorus (x2)

That's right y'all: 'as long as there be music.' This means- as far as I can fucking tell- this shit will never end. But honestly, were they ever really going to go away for good? A group who pens the most tender paean to the act of 'backdoor lovin' (I Want It That Way) was never going to lose popularity. Listen to the lyrics, people. They have things to tell the world, sweet backdoor things.

Si.

Yipes! Me needs something strong! A jolt to the system. But what?

Answer: This guy.



Quel fucking relief!