Poopstaz!

It has finally happened, people. My soul is dying... seen here taking the shape of a mutant tomato.



Yep, c'est moi! And please notice the very possibly mutant human behind that tomato. Talk about the grim visage of death!Boo yah! But seriously, what has caused this change in me? What has turned my brown eyes blue (they're still brown, don't worry!)... well, that is to come, but what does my soul really look like? I sometimes feel it looks like this:



a pair of extremely sadass looking tacos, heaped to the brim with orange cheese. Life is a constant disappointment. Then you die.

Anyway, why am I so down in da dumpz? Ohhhh, I dunno, maybe because:



Richard Dreyfuss looks better in short-sleeved plaid than I do! AND looks better with a straight-up bible salesman side-parting as well!


He also looks better in fucking DENIM than I do, despite the shaggy ass do and John Lennon glasses, and to add insult to injury...



Burt Reynolds stole my motherfucking bearskin rug, got all naked and just rolled around on it, spreading the OODLES of nasty cooties you know are crawling around on that slimy surface of his.

Talk about kicking me when I'm fucking DOWN, Burt. And, sorry about that image, which will now be burned on your brains...not that you now have it as your DESKTOP IMAGE or anything... no no.

When I returned home to find my bearskin rug had been snaffled and in its place was only a single white glove, a bottle of Burt's Original Musk and a letter with a drawing of a lady's ass on it, I fucking flipped out and went Rain Man.



I'm better now, but have to warn you, I think I slipped a disc.



I'll never tango again.