Disappointment

What is the flavor of disappointment? Banana muffins. I made muffins last night. I went 'off book' so to speak, and did it sans recipe and also without my beloved measuring cups and spoons, basically I used my hands and a plastic spoon. Yep, I fucking winged it. And boy did I pay. These muffins suck. They are like rubbery grenades. I used too much flour, too little sugar and butter. And no vanilla. I had to send an email warning Bob not to eat them.

I ate one for breakfast and I feel ill.

Speaking of muffins:



Down he goes! Shoot the chute! Not that I am poking fun at Mr. Muffin Top here, but after having such an unfortuante muffin experience, I feel the need to take out my anger on someone who cannot defend themself- isn't that what everyone does?

Good, knew I wasn't the only one! Follow me down the primrose path, people. Together we can make magic.



Has the world ever seen such a shambles as Gary Busey? I mean, the man ROCKED in 'Point Break.' I defy anyone to deny it. While Swayze and Reeves were loving it up against the sticky sex wax of a surf board, Busey (or 'Pappas' as he was known in the film) kept things ticking the fuck over: expressing his feelings for chili dogs, free love and catching waves- not necessarily in that order. Just when Keanu Reeves's Johnny Utah was in danger of 'expelling his weapon' at his new best pal and taking things down the tender drama route, Angelo Pappas was there to take one for Team Comedy- busting out the jams and surf shirt combo and shaggy dog story... and how was he repaid? Two to the chest. Busey- thank you.

BUT, while doing the necessary research into Busey's career since PB, I have stumbled upon perhaps the MOST amazing sounding movie ever (featuring Gary Busey):

The Hand Job (2005) 'Steven and Ben are slackers, but are hyper-competitive when it comes to beating each other. When their boss, Mike Hand, unexpectedly quits, Steven and Ben become the unlikely frontrunners for "the Hand job," a promotion neither of them wants. But if one of them is promoted, it would mean that one best friend would be working for the other. Fearing that, their competitive natures set off a crude, no-holds barred fight to the finish in which no co-worker, senior citizen, pet rodent or deli sandwich is spared.'

Please: anything with 'no-holds barred fight to the finish' and 'deli sandwich' in its summary has my name written ALL over it. Is this the fucking story of my LIFE???? And who did they get to write the script- Hemmingway? It sounds fucking PERFECT! And that title: The Hand Job! What subtle double entendre... worthy of Dorothy Parker herself, or even Oscar Wilde... it's LIKELY that this film was actually an previosuly unknown work by one of these literary luminaries and has only now been given the attention it really deserves.

It's been a while since I was really excited about a film, but this has really captured my attention. Imagine going to the cinema and saying 'Yeah, two for HAND JOB, please.' Bwahhhh hahahahahaha! Hats off!

Ohhh, I needed that. I feel young again, ready to-



ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck! I KNEW there was something I was forgetting. Some creeping spectre of my former evil deeds... and he has found me. Ready to exact payment for my reckless past. I have not been a good person, I am afraid. I know, right? Quel shockaroonsters! I have knocked over old ladies, cursed at babies and punched puppies in their little faces, not to mention the drug-running, arms dealing and wiping out an entire nest of koalas. Fuck you, KOALAS!

And now Busey The Younger has come for my mortal soul.
Oh wellz, do as I say, not as I do, peeps... and make sure someone waters my plants!

Hahhahahah! LOL LOL!!! JK folks, OMG IMHO TTFN! I am so joking! Ha! I never did that shit, that was my evil twin, Tarah Freeman seen below breaking into a nursing home to plant a stinkbomb:




Bitch. We don't even look that much alike, right? She is Matthau to my Lemmon (though, let's face it- if anyone gets to be Matthau twill be my good self), Delta Burke to my Dixie Carter (yesssss, I did just bust out Designing Women- was that wrong?)... Rue McClanahan to my Betty White, Mel Gibson to my Danny Glover.

Fuck, has GIBSON fucking wormed his way in here again?



There he is, rolling up his sleeves ready to get to work RUINING MY LIFE. Nice try, beeyatch, but I have booked you a ticket on this one-way flight to HELL.



Welcome aboard!