Shit bags

That's what happens when I write on the weekends, I need a break from being FUCKING off the hook CRAY CRAY!
But when the old third eye starts to itch, I know it's time to bust out my hip flask of insanity juice:



I'm not going to lie, my personal grooming habits have taken a turn for the worse since Daniel moved down to London. Whatevs, beards are so hot right now. Haaaaaa!

NOT! I hate beards, remember? Ha! Fooled your suckass! Damn, you think something as FUNDA- fucking-MENTAL as a hatred of beards could change over night? Take a giant step back, fool.

So, what HAVE I been up to? Oh, ya know... boozing, bird-doggin', playing some cards with the guys...



Mmm hmmm. I did it. I know you are looking at that and sayin 'Oh NO she didn't.' Well, peeps... I fuckign did. And you can't even hold it against me because at this point anything that does not kill me just makes me fucking stronger. Scared? You should be:



'I am a digital love-bot, baby! Push my buttons, back up and wait for me to process your request.. for LOVIN'

Yep, I am now as bionic and MC Giorgio's moustache... . Come se dice 'totally off my face on pills so as to make this whole fucking fiasco bearable' in italiano? Hmmm, I am somehow reminded of something by that clearly chemically-induced glint in Giorgio's eyes:



Yup, those rheumy, totally STONED eyes belong to celebrity fantasy hare-lipped creature Falkor the Luckdragon (ew, sounds dirty) from 'The Neverending Story' aka 'Change the Water in the Bong Before You Totally Have a Seizure, Dude.'

How gross is Falkor? He is like an old man with a hacking cough who wants you to wash his handkerchiefs. His grossness is trumped ONLY by this:



Um, I may be way out of line here, but maybe tiny men in top hats macking on anthropomorphic penis snails are not what the child viewer needs... I myself was 6 when this film came out and it has left some scars. But maybe I am just wayyyy too uptight. I need to let go of these bourgeois ideals and puritanical limitations and just fucking let go, man.



What? You've never harnessed a giant snail, rode to battle upon its shell and capped mothefuckers from afar with your rifle? Whatever, LAMEASS.

Anyway, people... I am just dipping my toe in the pool of discontent that is this blog. Bear with me, people, I shall hate again.

Peaces!!!