So sorry

I know amigos. It has been too long. TOO LONG.

What can I say? I've been busy working on my tan:




Bwahhhhhhhhh!

Freals though, I have, like, been up to all types of shit. Most of it involves applying salve to my leathery skin and praying I am not hunted down by Bear Grylls for my prize rhino-like skin:




I know. Shit is drastic, right? Did not mean to drop that on you so soon after we met, but that's just WHO THE FUCK I AM. Deal with it.

It's kind of like how you have to deal with how much I fucking LOVE sausages:



That's RIGHT. Rollllll up! Roll up! Watch me glory in my love of sausages! I am the consummate showman, look at my rosy red cheeks and the beatific glow on my massive, pudgy face as I watch my babies sizzling on the grill... browning and spitting like a cat on steroids. Lean in a little closer, kinder! MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm....

AND, as if that weren't enough:




Holy shit, I'm fucking TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINYYYYYYY. All the better to make the most of this sausage.

And with that-

I die.

Good night.