Two Words

Bangkok. Dangerous.

Bangkok FUCKING Dangerous.

Where has this film *been* all my life:

Synopsis: 'A hitman who's in Bangkok to pull off a series of jobs falls for a local woman and bonds with his errand boy.'



For real. ANY movie that features a wild-eyed, dubiously coiffed Nicholas Cage has GOTS to be seen. BONUS points for him fucking PEEKING at me through some odd stones and basically seeing right into my SOUL! I know, right? Better yet:




Who doesn't want to see this? Hands up now. Keep them up while I reach into one of the many holsters I am SURE Nicholas Cage has on his person, grab the deadly weapon lurking there (you know it's lurking, fool. Don't even front) and blow your ass away. By claiming you don't want to see this movie you are denying the very fabric of your being. HE'S IN A LITTLE BOAT, PEOPLE. He's wearing a straw cowboy hat, and some rumpled-ass striped shirt, in a little boat, with his errand boy (ERRAND BOY, my friends. Errand boy.) who might later turn out to be the very man who is his undoing. Ssssssshhhh, don't ruin it for the rest of us.

WHO else but Nicholas Cage could perpetrate SUCH a wild ass, freakish sweaty nightmare of a film??? WHO???

One bloated name comes to mind:




Namaste.