Holla!

Guess what folks? We have internet at our new flat- at last! Not that I rely on the internet at ALL... no no no, friends. That fantabulous conflaption really makes NO difference to me, but now that I am back ONLINE I can FINALLY keep your asses posted on the wild happenings in my fucking amazing whirlwind of a life! OMG I KNOW!!!!!!!!!

Soooo, what have I been up to? Ohhhh, not much... only miz-nunching on the world's fucking largest PARTY SUB:



PEEP that bitch! Just looking at that photo makes my jaw hurt. That's the sort of thing people eat on a dare, like the 96oz steak John Candy eats in The Great Outdoors. The Old 96er. Just imagine me in a giant checkered plastic tablecloth mumu, getting a running start and then just diving down that sub like a drunk down the saloon bar in an old Western film. Hells yeah.

But party subz aside, for the most part I have just been kicking the fuck back, like a tiny Beetlejuice wearing a nastophone old bathrobe, sitting in a lawn chair on the porch of a miniature whorehouse in an eeerie doll town created by a bespectacled Alec Baldwin:



Fucking A. Nobody can style a suit like old Beetlejuice. I wish I had that much flavor. But no, mine is a quieter, more refined look. Like a fine port, rolled around the mouth and savoured... or the subtle sheen on a new ear horn:



What's that? YOU laugh at me? Mock my delicate grace and retiring nature?

A blight on your phallic crops!