Ahem

Soooo, I have some time on my hands, people. Daniel is away visiting his sister for a few days...

What shall I do??? Plan the perfect crime (if by 'perfect crime' I mean blowing up every movie theatre showing The Bucket List), catch up on my solo drinking?

Just when I think I can relax and have some 'ME' time I find I have been sleeping on the fucking JOB:



DEAD AND LOVING IT??? When did this happen and how did my 'Leslie Nielsen is in a movie playing a comedy Count Dracula' alarm not go off??? I need to get that shit fixed. Damn! WHAT was I doing in 1995 when this film came out? MY GOD! Bedazzling my jeans, rolling THE TIGHTEST JOINTS KNOWN TO MAN and obsessing about eel puns could not have been so absorbing that I would miss this:

'A comic reinvention of the Bela Lugosi classic about a Transylvanian vampire who works his evil spell on a perplexed group of Londoners. Mel Brooks's Count is a pratfalling evil prince of a guy who believes in long relationships. Brooks portrays vampire hunter Van Helsing, who won't give a bloodsucker an even break.'

Yipes. If I could turn back time and see that baby in the theatre...

and meanwhile, even my dreams have been dark these days. I think the Columbo episode I watched on Sunday somehow fogged my shit up. I had this AWFUL dream that Peter Falk was an elderly, yet young-at-heart man who moved in with his grandson, only to turn both their lives upside down!

NO WAIT! That shit has happened. AGAIN with 1995!



Fucking 'Roommates.' What more can I even say. Dude About Town DB Sweeney (of The Cutting Edge fame) makes a sloppy appearance as The Grandson... RED FLAG. Anythime you see DB Sweeney's bloated jowls and small, piggish eyes, you know you are in for a reaaalllll rollercoaster ride: straight to HELL. Did the Apocalypse actually occur in 1995 and I was just too high to notice?

Entirely possible, now that I think about it.

Whatever, I must get back to planning the perfect crime.