What is wrong with me?

I fully intended to come into work and actually... WORK. Yet, the siren song of the World's Biggest Cat has lured me into the depths. It's as if I am possessed by Garfield and he is trolling the internet for a mate. OH MY GOD that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard... and it came from ME! I am really letting myself down today, people. Let myself down.




This photo affects me in a very deep way. Not only has this woman totally given up all hope by 1) owning a fucking massive housecat and 2) clearly LIVING in those sweats, she then has to combine them in an unholy union and POST IT ON THE INTERNET?!!? If I actually had a heart I would pixelate her face, or put one of those little black strips across her eyes a la Glamour magazine's Dos and Don'ts section. DO stop reading if images of unnaturally large housecats freak you out in any way. DON'T ever mention the connection I made earlier between myself and Garfiled ever again, because I will kill you and make it look like an accident.




This one is almopst as much about the dude as the cat. 1) That cat is CLEARLY dead. 2) That guy is CLEARLY a stand-in for Richard Griffiths as Uncle Vernon Dursley in the Harry Potter films.



SEE? What he is doing a with dead cat in a living room somewhere in Maine is anyone's guess.




Is it a trick of the light, is there magick afoot? That cat is whispering my name. It's whispering your name. It is in all of us! Maybe this cat is what happens when teenage experiments with witchcraft go really really wrong: forget love potions and smudge sticks- this cat will come to your school, eat the principal and then tell all your friends you're gay. Oh, and NEVER let this cat read your diary. Oh wait, he already has.




This cat isn't even huge- ha! It's TINY! Just the opposite. I totally had you fooled! You thought this whole thing was going to be me rambling on and on about HUGE CATS and 'how fucking cray-zeeee' they are. Well I have just blown your mind! I slipped a small, totally post-modern 'image of a cat within another image of a cat within a cup of soup' type of shit on you.




Clearly this is not a cat. Nay, 'tis a catfish. and look at the SIZE of that mother. I mostly had to put this one up because of the dude on the right. JUST LOOK at the predatory stare. This guy is either pulling the Midwestern equivalent of Mick 'Crocodile' Dundee's whole 'taming animals by staring at them and emitting a sort of whine' thing or he is a sex offender. It chills me to the core.