Cat fancy

The way I feel about cats probably has to do with the fact that I grew up in a house where for about 10 years there were no fewer than 7 cats at a time. For a while there were 10. It's not very healthy. There are only 2 now but they are holding on like grim death.

However, I do not HATE cats. I am a bit freaked out by them. I think this is because they *kind* of know everything about you and look into your soul.

Okay, so I can cope with a cat, and to a certain extent, multiple cats BUT I draw the line at buying them furniture. And installing said furniture in your BEDROOM or where you prepare and eat food:



ps: the above image is of a 5 foot 4 inch 'cat tree'. OVER FIVE FEET, people. That's more than 2 inches taller than I am. Why are you buying this for your cat?



Cat accessories? Similarly verboten. You love cats. I GET IT. You did NOT need to fucking strap this baby on- no dubt across your abundant cat-emblazoned sweatshirt clad front. What are you keeping in there? Leopard print novelty tissues? a folding map of Midtown? Your wrinkled playbill from the ORIGINAL Broadway production of CATS at the Winter Garden Theater from that first time you saw it and it totally changed your life and then you saw it again the second time and it was good but the guy who was playing Mr. Mistoffelees was sick and his understudy was on and his voice was a bit too brassy? A little figurine of Shimbleshanks or Bustopher Jones *[SIDEBAR: PLEASE see the Wikipedia entry on Bustopher Jones: "Bustopher Jones - A fat cat, a '25 pounder.' Dresses in a snappy tuxedo and spats. Respected by all, as the upper class "St James' Street Cat". In most productions, the actor playing Gus also plays Bustopher, though in early productions the part was handled by the actor playing Old Deuteronomy." Oh my god. The bile is rising in my throat]* What? And do not EVEN offer me a mint from the sick cat face pouch you carry around with such pride. It is gross and I want no part of it.




Mmm, nothing says CAT LOVER like hiding a litterbox inside an innocent looking cupboard. That is so sick! What if some poor unsuspecting person were to open that cupboard, perhaps looking for a plate on which to put a muffin. Where do you keep your china? In here?




More cat furniture. This one disturbs me the most because the cat is there WATCHING OVER YOU AS YOU SLEEP. Are these caps too much? WELL TOO BAD... I have to use them because there is no other way for me to emphasize my discomfort when presented with such images.