Hold the phone.

Do you mean to tell me that there is someone out there named JENSON BUTTON? And that he has actually been making headlines, and I did not know about it?

What the fuck? What fucking ROCK have I been living under, you ask, that I did not KNOW about Benjamin Button's famous racecar driving BRO?

Oh, just the kind of rock that also shelters adorable baby monkeys and hungry monkeys focused on fucking FEASTING:





I know, it's not much of an excuse, but it's honest to god the truth. I've just been so absorbed with freaking out about these little fuckers and their cuteness that I have not had time for this race car driver and his family's reverse-ageing ways.






Freaky, right? I mean, what kind of WITCHES' BREW is being passed around here? I mean, these two look NOTHING alike! It's almost as if these elusive BUTTON BROTHERS aren't even RELATED! But that's wayyyyyy the fuck too far out. I mean, they're both named Button, right?

I rest my case.