Oh!

Oh, hewwow! I did not see you there. I was too busy hypnotising unsuspecting customers with my fucking mind-blowing array of cheese curd snacks.

I think the fact that I also HAPPEN to be fucking GANDALF helps when trying to convince people to partake of my curds (DIRteeee)... but I'm not sweatin' it. It doesn't take a wizard to know that these shitz b delicious. 

What? Oh sorry, my attention drifted, perhaps due to the CUP size on this effing bulldog. Bitch is STACKED!  Get it??? 'Bitch'? Bwaaaaaahhahahah.

Hooooo! Delightful! Like a glass of cold iced tea on a hot day, or the fucking nutso fingerless gloves this tweaked out, rather apathetic Santa is wearing... and I won't even TALK about the MUG on fricking WILLIS. I could play a game of fucking HOPSCOTCH on that lower lip. Tuck that shit in, Bruce.

Okay, so this may be the laziest and least coherent post ever, but let's GO with it, okay... it may be the only way to calm the beast within. I mean, I admit, I've been pretty off my game lately... been thinking a lot about the past, the old days... back when I was a devil-may-care kid with five dollars in my pocket and not a care in the world. Here I am in the middle below in '82, tripping balls and wrestling fish in the Connecticut River. Fucking best summer I ever had, despite the impending baldness.

Yeah, a young Harrison Ford I wasn't, but I had my share of kicks; riding high on the competitive eating circuit...

Shit yeah! Just peep that knowingly arched eyebrow. I had it ALL. But then it all went so wrong... I suppose I flew too close to the sun and now here I am, the empty shell of a man you see before you today.

Haaaaaaaaaa! PSYCHE! I so had you going, didn't I?  Me? I'm no hero. Nah, I'm just a humble cowboy, wandering the range, drumming up trade for my best ever invention:

Now excuse me, while I kiss the SKY!