It's true

I have realized a few things lately, people.

1) I may NEVER be President of the United States. EVER. I KNOW! I can't believe it either. I might as well be some fucking monkey with a snuffbox here, people.

Monkey with a snuffbox. Mmmmm hmm. 

Anyway... should I ever get into the running for Prez I TRUST that none of you mugs will blow my effing cover. Fair warning. 

2) I may never be elected Mayor of Baltimore either. This comes as a huge blow. I have taken to my bed.

Pity me.