Phoning it in

It's over. Another Halloween bites the dust. Sorrow is washing over me like a soggy bath of sheep dip. Whaaaa? Don't know, I am beside myself.



As is wayward chubby toddler Jack Nicholson. Seriously, doesn't he look like a wee tyke who has dipped his spoon once too often is the seething gumbo of despair that is LIFE? Thought so. Jack Nicholson really has me baffled. How can a man who was in such filmic greats as 'Chinatown,' 'The Shining' and... um, fine: 'Batman' be DUPED (I am sure he was duped, as was anyone who has ever appeared in a film with GREG KINNEAR. Hate him. Fucking LOATHE him) into such miserable ass-fest as 'As Good as It Gets.' Get me a harpoon and a speedboat: this whale of an actor needs to be schooled. Fuck you, Greenpeace. Seriously though. Do I have to?



I did. Look at that. What the fuck is this? Moppish Smirkfest 2007? I hate you, Greg Kinnear, and everything that you hold dear. (Rhyyyymez, that's what I'm about in November 07, people.) Pull me back from the precipice, friends. It's oh so cold out here.

This will warm my... cockles??? Meeeenh, feel a bit uneasy about that one, but what the HEY!



Yowzer! Where'd I leave my doggy biscuits? Woof! Look at ol' Billy C, getting all fucking Foghat on that ass. That said, most likely that is some tres risque sex slang and B Clinton HAS busted it out, so mum's the word, peeps. The last thing this family needs now is another scandal. With that in mind I will refrain from even DISCUSSING Hillary's fucking Stevie Nicks costume.. let's wait until the Official Eggcellentt Presidential Candidate Endorsement in 2008, which will be a HUMDINGER (also risque sex speak, fyi).

But all hope is not lost... as long as we can still light a joint, open the fridge and be faced with our DOZEN BEST FRIENDS AS EGGS all is well.



Is it just the weed making me paranoid, or is that dude in the back on right fucking LAUGHING at me? Is this what happens when we die?

If so, sign me up. I can think of no better afterlife than being part of an omelette, deliciously lounging on a plate next to some fucking home fries and a slice of bacon... is this why suicides happen, to speed the egg reincarnation process?

Is that going too far? Fuck it. Like I care.