Hurts so good

It's not often that I jump out of bed in the morning, ready to face the day and even eager to get to work. But this morning I was ready; ready to face the fury that is horrendous facial hair.



My main man, Colonel Mustard. If ever offered a game of Clue(do) ALWAY select Col. Mustard. The odds of him ever getting off his fat duff and murdering anyone are slim to none, thereby eliminating awkward party situations. He's too busy talking about his days in 'IN-Dja!' and quoting Kipling. Also the monocle is a total turn-on. Am I right or am I right?




This pretty much speaks for itself and serves as a warning to fellas out there who are just getting into jug band music. It CAN and WILL go too far.




This is just to fuck with you a bit. You'd still do her, wouldn't you, you sick bastard! Imagine that beard tickling your neck, or... oh my gawd! I've seriously just lost all feeling in my extremities. It's unfortuante, as I must rush to the bathroom to puke.




Now, I don't know much about Brian Blessed, but I think a picture is worth a thousand words, especially if those words are 'I ate my own children' repeated 200 times. However, a quick interent search reveals the following: 'Demonstrating his versatility, Blessed has also starred in Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats as both Old Deuteronomy and Bustopher Jones during the original London production. In 2002, under the direction of Royal Shakespeare Company director, Adrian Noble, Blessed originated the role of Baron Bombhurst for the stage musical version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang , for which he received tremendous acclaim.' HOW did I know that fucking *'Cats'* would rear its ugly head yet again?




Um, I don't know. I think at this point maybe things have gone too far. Beardfanciers.com? Anyone? When a woman is willing to go to such extremes to get a date you can bet she'll go all the way ASAP. Eeeasy pickins.




It's not all bad. Just when you think all Americans are culturally void and have no sense of humor, some dude from the Bible Belt decides to quit the old John Deere gig and become a Western-themed Salvador Dali impersonator, performing at hoe-downs and line dances everywhere, which is JUST the kind of thing that Dali would have totally loved, precious asshole that he was.