My Density

Hello my lovelies. I don't want to BOAST, but I have finally found my true calling:

Yes, dressing up as a wild-haired, Renaissance Fayre version of Joe Pesci and SWALLOWING FIRE. Gadzooks, I just don't know WHY it has taken me so long to find myself, y'all. 

Maybe it's cause these fucking BUM RUNES have been steering me wrong for YEARS. Fucking YEARS wasted.

Ummm maybe it's because they are not so much runes as teeth pulled from the head of a drunken giant and scrawled upon by that self-same drunken giant's idiot child. Fucking duped again. 

Seriously though, WHEN will I finally find my true calling? I've been doing this same shit for years now... but what is my destiny?

I have a few thoughts.

1) Working at locations that serve basically no other purpose than providing a much-needed phallic symbol on the horizon:

Teeeeeeee! It's a massive... SILO! 

Errrrrm, it's not rocket science people. BWAAAhaahahahahahaha! 

2) Let's be serious. I got pretty much caught up with that last one. Things have not gone any further. But if pushed... racist singing telegram man:

I've got the suit already, it's just a matter of putting my name out there, ya know? Call me for your next big event!